Traditional parenting methods tell us to start training and to start it with the child.
May I share some hard-won wisdom with you?
Repeatedly, as I found myself up against a brick wall trying to get my children to embrace His ways, obey, and grow with the ever-present concern that I only have a few years to accomplish this before they’re launched, the Holy Spirit whispered this secret to me: “Start with you.”
It’s backwards from conventional wisdom, much of our learned relating patterns passed down in our generations, and many parenting models.
However, it’s Father’s first order, based on the plank-eye principle in Matthew 7:4: “How can you say to your brother [son or daughter], “Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? First, take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s [son’s or daughter’s] eye.”
What happens is we, parents, accidentally train our children.
Many bad habits are the result of generational family patterns fueled by dark spirits. Here, as parents, we’re trying to survive daily with what’s going on in our lives and our wounded areas. We thought we were making it through the day, keeping them safe and entertained in the effort “to get them raised,” in my grandmother’s words! The children, however, took it as training. We accidentally train our children in unhealthy patterns in our attempt to make it through the day.
The good news is there is hope!
Each day is opportunity to begin anew and train, or build, intentionally.
How does this work?
The Holy Spirit trained me that “the log” has to be pulled out of me first. Our children and teens follow our lead.
There is a time for spanking and grounding. However, as I was learning from the Holy Spirit, on many occasions that would normally call for such actions, He led me to separate myself and them. I prayed and repented for the anger, frustration, fear, rebellion, whatever it was at the time, in the first person. Then, I asked Him to apply it to my children.
A few times, later, opportunities opened to talk with them, peacefully, about core issues such as noticing why my son became angry and how to handle it. Or, how he could change his words or actions to get a different result.
Many other times, the repentance work I did, starting with myself, not them, gave room for the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts and the situation resolved itself without any further work on my part. Relief!
The Heavenly Father is your Father as well as your children’s. He’s sent His Holy Spirit to help you in the daily work and pressure of raising and training your children. He wanted you to be their parent—and He has wise reasons for why you are their parent. As the parent, He has given you the task of making things better for the next generation. To them, He has given the task of building it bigger.
This simple order change of facing behavioral and training problems with repentance (me first!) works!
Build with YOU First!
On the opposite side of the spectrum, this also works with building. If you’re working to build a pattern of thankfulness, respect, patience, or follow-through, etc., start with you first. Pray, decree, and practice so this good building is established in you.
As you’re working on you, practice it with them. Model to your children thankfulness by sharing with them what you are thankful for about the Father, about them, about other things, often. Instead of trying to train them in a pattern, start with you. Then, do it to them–show respect, speak thankfulness, tell them you’re working to follow through or be patient. It works!
May Father grace you to shift gears with this secret, simple, but powerful tool from accidental parenting/training to intentional building.
Please see these blogs for further assistance.
Recover Your Family’s Peace. Discover how to practically recover your own peace so you have “margins” to meet your children’s needs.
My prayer for you
Father, thank You for Your great wisdom and goodness for placing these parents, grandparents and caregivers with these specific children. I lift them up before You, and ask that You would give them grace and space to have room and resources to take care of themselves personally. Please give them greater grace and angelic assistance as greater sin does abound in our times. Please cause them to remember the order of the plank-eye principle when a behavioral or training problem or trouble arises in their children. Please direct their children to obey when the parents call for separation, and anoint the parents’ time and thoughts to be able to pray repentance through in the first person, and apply it to their children (and spouse). Please cause them to experience great joy in You as they see their work of trust and repentance causing great fruit by clearing out the space in their children’s hearts so that the Holy Spirit can direct them in Your paths which are full of life without pain and suffering for the parents, grandparents and caregivers. Bring these families into alignment with Your righteous order that releases abundant life! Grace them to build intentionally on the Rock of Christ Jesus. Restore and do much more in the mighty name of the Lord Jesus Christ amen.
by Crystal Wade, copyright 2018